Sunday, October 28, 2012

Cannibal Ferox

CANNIBAL FEROX
By Blake Redding


Anytime you get a movie with the word ‘Cannibal’ in it and it’s directed by an Italian you know you are in for some sick shit. When CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST was released it raised the bar for exploitation and gore flicks, so of course there were many directors chomping at the bit to one up it. This movie comes with the disclaimer “banned in 31 countries!” so of course I’m going to buy this piece of cinematic glory, and I didn’t even know there were 31 countries, but I might be thinking of continents and I digress. So for this week’s Sunday Snuff I scooped myself a Sriracha covered rice bowl and watched these filthy natives with a hankering for human flesh dig into some white people’s chest.

CANNIBAL FEROX begins with a group of students who head into the jungle to prove the existence of a cannibalistic tribe (they seriously never learn). The first native the students run into is casually snacking on the fattest, most disgusting grubs I have ever seen. There are no cut or trick shots here, he is just putting those live suckers in his mouth and chomping them up, making sure you see the guts oozing through his teeth. The group breathes a sigh of relief that he is eating larva as opposed to human limbs. Here is where their logic becomes quite laughable. They are carrying around a live rodent looking animal, so that in the event a larger predator becomes a threat, they can throw the rodent as a diversion and make their escape. Well, the geniuses decide to tie the little guy to a post out in the open in the middle of the Jungle. Oh look, it’s a 30 foot boa constrictor! The rodent meets a horrible fate at the mouth of the giant snake and we are treated to our first REAL animal death. Anyone familiar with the Cannibal genre is familiar with the animal death scenes, personally I would rather watch the humans get ripped apart any day but these damn Italians.

Now, there is always that one asshole that has to get all crazy on cocaine and start fucking with the natives.

You mad bro, because you just shot and killed a young topless native girl. Now the shit hit’s the fan, but before we get to the human buffet, we are treated to a live turtle being butchered and roasted over an open fire, and a monkey being attacked and eaten by a Cheetah. There is not an option in the menu to watch sans animal killings like the copy of CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST I own. I’m sure animal rights groups everywhere are crying themselves to sleep because I sure as hell am.

Ok, back to the human on human action. It’s getting close to dinner time and natives are getting hungry. They quickly turn on the white devils and imprison them. For an appetizer, they tear open a man’s chest like it’s a goddamn Thanksgiving turkey and proceed to stuff their faces with his guts. It’s a good thing I was done with my red rice bowl. With their appetite curbed for now they tie up the white man responsible for shooting the young girl (played by HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK’S Giovanni Radice) to a stake in the ground with his hands bound behind his back. Its time for some cruel and unusual punishment; castration!! The native pulls out a dull machete and cut his dick right off. Don’t worry fellas, they show everything up close and personal and they don’t even kill him after, they just let him suffer. If you are a dude and don’t cringe at this part, you are actually a chick and should see a doctor immediately.

Now don’t worry ladies these filthy cannibals have something heinous in store for your parts as well! The natives pull the blonde white woman out of the cage and rip her shirt off, just like in real life. Are they planning on having a nice little heavy petting session with her? Nope. They take two metal hooks and rip them into her tits and string her up. Now it’s a party! But wait, no party is complete without some human brains to snack on during the torture viewing. Picture this if you will. There is a wooden table with a perfect circle cut out of the middle, just big enough for someone to stick the top of their head out. Well, that’s exactly what they do. The put one of the men with his hands and feet bound under the table with the top of his head exposed. One of the natives takes his trusty machete and lops the top of his head off, exposing his brains. The hungry tribe stands around the head and eats the brains like it was a plate of nachos.

There is absolutely no shortage of blood and gore in this movie kids. All the effects are very well done which makes the kills very effective. The Italians always deliver in the special effects department.

Although not quite as disturbing as its big bro CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, CANNIBAL FEROX is no slouch. It is violent, bloody, sadistic, and just plain nasty. This is a movie the casual horror movie fan needs to work up to. Maybe have a couple cocktails before viewing to ease the pain. That’s how Jimmy and I got through CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST all those years ago!

Blake and Jimmy's Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore: 5 out of 5, great looking special effects and things get VERY messy. 
Torture: 5 our of 5, Ouch and ouch and ouch and ouch! 
Rape: 0 out of 5, Not in this one, surprisingly. 
Animal Death: 5 out of 5, all real animal deaths. You can fast forward, it’s OK. 
Necrophilia: 0 out of 0. I’m sure those horny natives are defiling some dead bodies off camera.
Overall Movie:  4 out of 5, I prefer CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST just a little bit more.


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