Guzoo!

By Jimmy Squarejaw

All kinds of hell awaits a group of bubbly Japanese girls when they enter a building that I’m pretty sure is either a relative’s home or a vacation house.  The version of GUZOO I have is in Japanese and doesn’t have subtitles so I, again, try to do my best to review a movie I can’t understand!  Thankfully GUZOO was a short flick and the plot was about as easy to follow as the instructions on a mailbox.

GUZOO starts with a slow sprawling shot of the disgusting, leaking, undulating skin of a slobbering creature.  After we get a sense that this is an insanely dangerous creature and is absolutely horrible to watch, we then meet the group of bubbly Japanese girls that will no doubt get horribly accosted, raped, absorbed, mutilated or whatever the hell else could possibly happen by the creature we just observed.   They’re out and about on a sunny day having some fun playing a game similar to Go Fish.  Once one of them cheats and wins the game they head off to a nice looking white house that sits on a river.  At the front door a plain looking lady with no emotion greets them and lets them in giving me no clue what anyone’s relationship is to one another.  Once inside the group of girls are shown to a room on the top floor complete with the cutest lil’ beds I’ve ever seen.  Again I stress I can’t understand anything said so I am going on purely images and noises. 

One of the gals looks out the bedroom window while the other girls unpack and her eye catches the pond below, but before she could let the beauty of the pond sink in, a fish that I could only relate to looking like it grew up in radioactive mud lunges out of the pond at her and flies up two floors.  Was this a DREAM?  I don’t know, but she gets a little shaken from whatever happened and takes a stroll through the house to unwind.  Well, aint’ it a shame she walks in front of a mirror that GUZOO happens to be lurking behind and bursts out to lick her face and snarl. After she freaks out the other girls get her to bed than think it’s totally cool if they went on a bike ride while the victim calms down.  The girls split to have a blast  and with the house empty the relaxing girl gets up and wanders in front of the mirror again. GUZOO is waiting and GUZOO freaks this time and lunges out of the mirror, but she doesn’t luck out with a tongue lick, she gets completely ripped apart and eaten by GUZOO.  And here friends, is when this movie takes off!

The rest of the movie is a great, fast paced cavalcade of people being used like sheep-skin prophylactics by a blood thirsty oozing mutant that looks like a sandworm from BEETLEJUICE mixed with a nuclear bedbug.  Although nothing is really ever explained to me, I still enjoyed this flick a lot and I think fans of ABOMINATION and John Carpenter’s THE THING would like this Japanese entry into the creature feature foray. 

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore: 4 out of 5, for a low budget they made the most of what they had and it was great!

Rape: 0 out of 0

Animal Death: 0 out of 0

Necrophilia: 0 out of 0

Torture: 2 out of 5, the creature feasts last awhile and the victims are not too fond of that.

Overall Movie: 4 out of 5, great flick.