NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS

By Blake Redding

*WARNING*

All movies reviewed for SUNDAY SNUFF contain graphic depictions that may include rape, live animals being murdered, and extreme gore.  None of the writers condone such acts we just watch this shit. 

Well kids, with a title like that, you know it’s either going to be a real piece of shit, or the best nunsploitation (yes it’s a genre) flick ever printed to celluloid. Luckily for this guy it was the latter, well…kind of. I will be the first to admit that this is the only nunsploitation movie I have seen so I do not have anything to compare it to. I have however seen my fair share of exploitation and grind house movies so I somewhat know what I’m talking about. This movie borrows a shit ton from Robert Rodriquez’s film making style, most notably MACHETE, right down to the music. Both movies were released in 2010, so the debate on who ripped off who can be waged in chat rooms across the internet, but this reviewer is sticking to the couch completely content on just watching these movies with my tall can of shitty beer. On that note, let’s dig in to NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS!

First a run down on what it’s about. A corrupt clergy is running a massive drug operation with the aid of a local motorcycle club called ‘Los Muertos.’  Daily chores for the drug dealers include using the clergy’s nuns to cut and package the cocaine who they force to work completely naked, except for their habits, minimizing their ability to steal or conceal weapons. One nun, Sister Sarah, is taken to the motorcycle clubhouse where she is kept drugged up and sold for sex in between being beaten and raped on a daily basis. One day God comes to her and commands her to punish the sinners at any and all cost. Sister Sarah escapes and embarks on a bloody crusade against the bikers and corrupt clergy. Let the blood bath begin!

This movie touches on all kinds of movie taboos; Violence, rape, torture, religion, sex, drugs, etc. etc.  All the key ingredients that make a good grind house movie. The violence is almost one hundred percent gun oriented, Priests getting riddled with bullets, nuns losing their heads from shotgun blasts, and even a biker getting his raping dick shot off with a .357 (amazing scene.)  Most of the blood is done with CGI, and it fits perfectly, giving the film that graphic novel look ala SIN CITY and PLANET TERROR. There are also some pretty brutal beatings and even a nun getting strangled to death with a Rosary. The violence and gore is very prevalent throughout the whole movie, making it a bloody good time.

Now, onto the gratuitous nudity and sex! This movie is called NUDE NUNS for a reason; there is a shit load of nude nuns, plain and simple. They have young ones, old ones, hot ones, Mexican ones, ugly ones, you name it. It’s like that scene in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN when Cheech is describing the stripper pussies…but with nuns. There is even a lesbian couple that just can’t seem to keep their clothes on hence; more tits. When the bikers need to interrogate a nun for information, they turn to their vice president that goes by the name of Kickstand. Why the nickname “Kickstand?” Well, I’m glad you asked: Kickstand is a 6’4” 230 pound black man who literally pumps these nuns for information with his monster black…well, you get the idea. After a couple rounds of “interrogations,” even the nun that took a vow of silence is singing about Sister Sarah.

Like I said before, NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS really has that graphic novel style going on. This sort of softens all the horrible things that are happening making it an ideal introductory movie into the world of hardcore and exploitation movies, all while keeping enough of an edge to be featured on SUNDAY SNUFF.  Enjoy all you heathens, and then get your asses to church!

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore: 3 out of 5, definitely lots of blood and gore, but done mostly in CGI

Torture:  4 out of 5, these ladies go through hell…..before getting to heaven of course!

Rape: 5 out of 5, Kickstand really gives it to these nuns! We also get a mother raped in front of her daughter and husband. Yikes.

Animal Death: 0 out of 5, none here, so go ahead and show it at the next PETA fundraiser.

Necrophilia: 0 out of 5, Nope! Go watch DEADGIRL for plenty of the necro.
Overall Movie: 3 out of 5, yeah.....that's about it.