Last House on the Left

By Jimmy Squarejaw

*WARNING*

All movies reviewed for SUNDAY SNUFF contain graphic depictions that may include rape, live animals being murdered, and extreme gore.  None of the writers condone such acts we just watch this shit. 

Certain movies can turn a page in your life that you can’t ever go back from.  For me this movie was the original LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT.  I originally saw this around 15, when I was still riding my bike to the local video store trying to rent every horror movie.  I happen to stumble upon this flick first because of the awesome name. Then I was drawn to it being directed by Wes Craven and having Sean Cunningham’s name on it somewhere.  No need to read what it was about, rented it and headed home.  Boy O’ BOY what an awkward fuckin’ night that turned out to be!

Originally LHOTL was called Sex Crime of the Century and there’s a reason for that, it’s because it’s full of rape and horribleness.  Right out of the gate we’re treated to a young lady named Mari getting ready for a night on the town and her boobs taking up the whole screen.  Her parents flick Mari a little shit about the outfit she’s wearing and her trashy friend Phyllis who she’s going to hang out with but then they “chill” and eventually “dig it” as she heads out the door.  The two get to the big city for a concert, get some ice cream beforehand, have girl time, then look to score drugs off the streets.  The girls luck out!  The ugliest looking dude in 100 square miles with an apartment full of escaped convicts just happened to be on the street smokin’ a butt.  Well what do they do, ask him for drugs!  At first the character we’ll learn to know as Junior is baffled by attractive girls asking for drugs when he’s taking a smoke break but then he remembers he has escaped convicts upstairs who have an insatiable appetite for rape.  Junior says, “oh, oh yeah I DO have drugs,” and they head on up. Well, that goes south and Phyllis ends up getting a butt full of gang rape by dirtbags who look like they were born and baptized on a porn set.

To avoid the heat from their prison escape the group of convicted felons takes the two captive ladies out to the woods and ends up in the area by Mari’s house giving the audience a little hope for the two ladies’ survival.  The group hunkers down in the woods and proceeds to mind fuck, then orifice fuck the two poor girls because what else is there to do in the woods.  The story starts to get dark and then winds in unexpected directions so I’ll leave a little bit of the shock for those folks who haven’t seen it.

LHOTL is bar none my favorite “extreme” movie ever for a few different reasons.  First and foremost is actor David Hess’ character, Krug.  Krug commits pretty much every horrible act imaginable in this movie on two nubile young ladies and enjoys it thoroughly.  He laughs, smokes cigars and turns himself on with their cries and whimpering, then he rapes, rapes, and more rapes.  Without a doubt he is my favorite villain in any movie ever made because he does not have any type of conscious in any form.  With this in mind though, David Hess the actor also plays all of the wacky and sensual music during the movie.  It’s an odd combination for sure.

Another aspect of this movie I love is the pace.  It’s very different than most movies so it keeps you on your toes, especially when in the middle of the movie you’re wondering how the hell is the movie going to finish, again not trying to drop any spoilers. 

The brutality in this movie is gritty and real.  It’s obvious that the filmmakers didn’t have much money to work with but in this case it worked to their advantage.  There isn’t over the top antics that make you roll your eyes, just a lot of raw tension, rape, and realistic physical abuse that creates a horrible feeling in the viewers stomach.

So to say the least, rent this or buy it.  Sure the remake was ok, but the original is horrific in a good way.  You cannot help but feel bad for these poor girls and their families while you’re brought along front row with some of the worst pieces of shit to ever grace the screen.

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore:  2 out of 5, not very gory but intense.

Rape:  5 out of the 5.  Yep, this is a rape flick kids not Pixar.

Animal Death: 0 out of 0

Necrophilia: 0 out of 0

Torture: 4 out of 5.  Not for SAW movie type torture, dirtbag rapist type torture.

Overall Movie:  5 out of 5.  Get it now!