The Barbarian Girls

By Jimmy Squarejaw

A mysterious car drives along a country road and releases a buxom blonde into an open field.  A girl who looks like if the red haired Wendy’s mascot, Wendy, fucked a member of the Mars Volta and had a baby, runs up to the stunned girl.  But no she isn’t there to save her, she’s there to tie her up in a barn and torture her. 

The 13 minute 70's torture porn THE BARBARIAN GIRLS starts off exactly like that and we never even figure out why the hell a car drops off the girl in the first place!  The red headed gal begins with a little rough talk and boob squeezing but that isn’t getting her point across so she hops on top of the blonde and pisses on her!  Take that!  Wendy Rodriguez (a Mars Volta joke) then hoists up the scared blonde from one of the rafters and proceeds to whip the shit out of her fronts and her backs!  Yow, that will need some iodine, but we should wait to administer first aid until the end because now there’s a knife involved. 

And that knife gets jammed up into the blonde’s Vah-HEE-nah with as much fortitude as Rosey the Riveter flexing her lesbian bicep.  A few in’s and a few outs, a clockwise and counter clockwise motion and then the poor girl’s Vah-HEE-nah starts to prolapse.  This is why we need to incorporate kegel exercises into the physical education programs in public school systems!  The blonde is almost good and dead until a final gutting ensues and that seals the deal.  It’s quite the little short.

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore: 3 out of 5, for the timeframe and budget of this movie I must say well done!

Rape: Either a 0 out of 0, or a 5 out of 5. Depends how you look at it.

Animal Death: 0 out of 0, not here folks.

Necrophilia: 0 out of 0, Death is the end in this one.

Torture: 5 out of 5, having a blade jam into the protein folds of a vagina is pretty bad I bet.

Overall Movie: 2 out of 5, quick, easy, gory porn movie.