By Jimmy Squarejaw
https://www.facebook.com/yallaredead
www.yallaredead.com
*WARNING*
All movies reviewed for SUNDAY SNUFF contain graphic
depictions that may include rape, live animals being murdered, and extreme
gore. None of the writers condone such acts we just watch this
shit.
What do you get when
you throw a smorgasbord of people who are all insanely addicted to drugs into a
90-minute documentary? You get the
kid tested, mother approved documentary called BLACK METAL VEINS by Lucifer
Valentine. That’s right folks,
remember all those kids you grew up with that you hated because they would sit
in the food court at the mall after being sexually abused by their Dads and
make fun of you or try to fight you?
Well shit, they all ended up in this movie to bitch about their terrible
lives and shoot heroin and smoke crack.
Hell, one of them even dies in a drug deal gone wrong. So sit back and listen to me rant about
this gem!
BLACK METAL VEINS
follows the lives of numerous junkies in the Babylonian paradise known as
Norfolk, Virginia. Brad is one of
the main characters we meet in the beginning. He’s obsessed with black metal, looks like if Phil Anselmo
had a baby with Grimace, and is a full-blown heroin addict. Throughout the movie we get to learn
about his failed relationships, his grim outlook on life, and he fills us in that
he has been stealing oxycontin from his Mom who has Legionnaire’s Disease - oh, and he also has one of the most
disturbing sex scenes with one of the grossest people I’ve ever seen ever in the
history of forever!
In the same opening scene
we also meet Raven. She is a
rambling disease ridden looking junkie who enjoys emptying out her boyfriend’s bank
account and filling us in on all of the depressing details of her life. She also enjoys walking around naked
which isn’t all that it’s cracked up to bee; see Raven is a mother of two and because of this (plus the
excessive amounts of drugs she does) her body looks like it was broken and
stretched by Wilt Chamberlain's massive cock, and then we meet Raven’s loving boyfriend Mark Dykman. Mark,
like most people named Mark, is a really cool, clean-cut, nice mellow guy who
doesn’t even do drugs. Well
eventually in the movie Mark kinda flips to the side of the devil and starts
helping Raven shoot-up. And if
that’s not bad enough Mark and Raven have the other two characters in Black Metal Veins film them having a genuinely disturbing sex
scene. Picture watching a fit, hairless navy guy fuck an incoherent, lesion covered goblin and
that’s a good start.
Don’t get me wrong, the
movie itself was really well made for what the subject matter is. Lucifer Valentine creates a hauntingly
claustrophobic sense throughout the whole movie that you can’t ever experience
unless you are a junkie or friends with a junkie. I was swept up in a lot of the
paranoia and anxiety created during the movie thinking every door knock could
be a police raid, a disgruntled drug dealer, thief, or someone saying someone
else died.
I feel like I could go
on and on about all of sociological elements in this movie and about all of the
black, white, and grey themes that are covered in BLACK METAL VEINS. But that’s what I really like about it
and I don’t like to draw conclusions for people, even though sometimes I
do. Unfortunately a lot of people
will be deterred by the intense imagery in the movie but underneath that shock
is a lot of insight to a side of life that a lot of people will never have the
opportunity to witness.
If you are looking into
getting this movie I have the uncut version that includes the horrible sex
scenes. There is another shorter
version out there sans the smut!
Throw in a few other
colorful personalities and you have a 90-minute reason why you should never get
involved in hard drugs, throw on a Stone Temple Pilots album and you’ll be
straight for life.
Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!
Gore: 3 out of 5,
it’s not realistic it’s REAL! A
lot of shooting up…A LOT!
Rape: 2 out of 5, it would be a
5 out of 5 but two scenes were explained in the commentary.
Animal Death: 0 out of 0, Nope.
Necrophilia: 0 out of 0, but damn close.
Torture: 0 out of 0.
Overall Movie: 4 out of 5, great documentary that will surely bum you out!
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ReplyDeleteI agree that the characters in this documentary are fucking degenerate garbage, and that it will scar anyone who is even remotely normal for life, BUT at the end, you list things it does or doesn't have in it, including animal death, (why would you even name that?) and at the very top, you give a warning about how you don't condone things like 'live animals being murdered', you just watch it. Hee Hee You sound as soulless and fucked up as the filthy junkies in this documentary. Any human being that could watch a helpless animal being murdered is a cold, heartless sack of shit that should commit suicide. You almost seem obsessed with this act and seem to think your readers are too. On your rating system, you seem to be saying, "nope, sorry guys, no animal murders in this one. Sorry!". Why the fuck would anyone watch a documentary that is clearly about heroin junkies to see animals being murdered? It seems YOU were the only one actually hoping to see some sadistic shit like this. That says alot.
ReplyDeleteNow I 100% agree with what you said about the animal murders but I’m guessing the reason there’s a scale for it on this movie is because he uses the same scale for every movie. I’ve never read his other reviews so I’m not positive but I’m willing to bet that’s why it is brought up here. Not that the scale is reliable anyways. He gives gore a 3 saying it’s real. I guess I don’t consider shooting up gore and the only gory bloody scene at the end is fake.
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