Slow Torture Puke Chamber

By Jimmy Squarejaw

If I can say one thing that’s positive is Lucifer Valentine keeps his formula pretty simple in the Vomit Gore Trilogy so if you like one you’ll probably be a fan of them all, kinda like Owen Wilson movies.  The final chapter in the trilogy, SLOW TORTURE PUKE CHAMBER, is a continuance of hookers whining about how fucked up their lives are intermixed with people puking, pissing, showing their boobs and getting the shit beat out of them.  Like I’ve said in the previous reviews, I’m not the kind of person who really watches these movies because they are artistic.  I also don’t try to pretend I’m a symbologist or a doctor of metaphors either.  I watch them because it's like a front row seat to hell behind protective glass.  But eating a Carl's Jr breakfast sandwich, listening to the music of 30 Seconds to Mars, and rectal cancer is also what I imagine having a peek into hell would be like too.

We’re introduced to a new version of the main character, Angela Aberdeen, at the beginning of the movie and she jumps right into talking about how terrible her life is and then has the cameraman smack the shit out of her.  These scenes are mixed with her stripping and rubbing her big fake boobs to a soundtrack that sounds like Neil Young got drunk and fell into his amplifier.  So far so good.  Now we catch up with the original Angela Aberdeen from the first two flicks who has a nice new red dress, better foundation to hide her pock marks, but that same drug and alcohol induced glare.  Speaking of alcohol, lets jump back to new Angela Aberdeen doing a lot of shots of vodka then puking them back up to re-drink them.  I think I paid a 19-year-old chick who worked at Jamba Juice to do the same thing on film, but I digress.

After a little bit more of the same ol’ shit we get to watch everyone piss numerous times in different containers or on themselves and masturbate with crucifixes.  New Angela is complaining about her eating disorders and hating her Dad’s new girlfriend and still rubbing her boobs and blah fuckin' blah.  It just goes on like this folks until new Angela eats a birthday cake with cricket toppings and the fat guy in the other two movies grinds a baby up in a blender and drinks it.  Put these movies on in the background of any party and you’ll have some fun, otherwise I can’t recommend them too much. 

 

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore: 1 out of 5, nothing gory except a lot of puke.

Rape:  0 out of 5, Jesus doesn’t count.

Animal Death: 0 out of 5, nada.

Necrophilia: 0 out of 5, nilch.

Torture: 2 out of 5, there is a lot of people getting beat, tied up and crying.

Overall Movie: 2 out of 5, not the worst thing I've seen but not too good.

Black Metal Veins

By Jimmy Squarejaw

https://www.facebook.com/yallaredead

www.yallaredead.com

*WARNING*

All movies reviewed for SUNDAY SNUFF contain graphic depictions that may include rape, live animals being murdered, and extreme gore.  None of the writers condone such acts we just watch this shit. 

What do you get when you throw a smorgasbord of people who are all insanely addicted to drugs into a 90-minute documentary?  You get the kid tested, mother approved documentary called BLACK METAL VEINS by Lucifer Valentine.  That’s right folks, remember all those kids you grew up with that you hated because they would sit in the food court at the mall after being sexually abused by their Dads and make fun of you or try to fight you?  Well shit, they all ended up in this movie to bitch about their terrible lives and shoot heroin and smoke crack.  Hell, one of them even dies in a drug deal gone wrong.  So sit back and listen to me rant about this gem!

BLACK METAL VEINS follows the lives of numerous junkies in the Babylonian paradise known as Norfolk, Virginia.  Brad is one of the main characters we meet in the beginning.  He’s obsessed with black metal, looks like if Phil Anselmo had a baby with Grimace, and is a full-blown heroin addict.  Throughout the movie we get to learn about his failed relationships, his grim outlook on life, and he fills us in that he has been stealing oxycontin from his Mom who has Legionnaire’s Disease - oh, and he also has one of the most disturbing sex scenes with one of the grossest people I’ve ever seen ever in the history of forever!

In the same opening scene we also meet Raven.  She is a rambling disease ridden looking junkie who enjoys emptying out her boyfriend’s bank account and filling us in on all of the depressing details of her life.  She also enjoys walking around naked which isn’t all that it’s cracked up to bee; see Raven is a mother of two and because of this (plus the excessive amounts of drugs she does) her body looks like it was broken and stretched by Wilt Chamberlain's massive cock, and then we meet Raven’s loving boyfriend Mark Dykman. Mark, like most people named Mark, is a really cool, clean-cut, nice mellow guy who doesn’t even do drugs.  Well eventually in the movie Mark kinda flips to the side of the devil and starts helping Raven shoot-up.  And if that’s not bad enough Mark and Raven have the other two characters in Black Metal Veins film them having a genuinely disturbing sex scene.  Picture watching a fit, hairless navy guy fuck an incoherent, lesion covered goblin and that’s a good start. 

Don’t get me wrong, the movie itself was really well made for what the subject matter is.  Lucifer Valentine creates a hauntingly claustrophobic sense throughout the whole movie that you can’t ever experience unless you are a junkie or friends with a junkie.  I was swept up in a lot of the paranoia and anxiety created during the movie thinking every door knock could be a police raid, a disgruntled drug dealer, thief, or someone saying someone else died.

I feel like I could go on and on about all of sociological elements in this movie and about all of the black, white, and grey themes that are covered in BLACK METAL VEINS.  But that’s what I really like about it and I don’t like to draw conclusions for people, even though sometimes I do.  Unfortunately a lot of people will be deterred by the intense imagery in the movie but underneath that shock is a lot of insight to a side of life that a lot of people will never have the opportunity to witness.

If you are looking into getting this movie I have the uncut version that includes the horrible sex scenes.  There is another shorter version out there sans the smut!

Throw in a few other colorful personalities and you have a 90-minute reason why you should never get involved in hard drugs, throw on a Stone Temple Pilots album and you’ll be straight for life.

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Gore: 3 out of 5, it’s not realistic it’s REAL!  A lot of shooting up…A LOT!

Rape: 2 out of 5, it would be a 5 out of 5 but two scenes were explained in the commentary.  

Animal Death:  0 out of 0, Nope.

Necrophilia:  0 out of 0, but damn close.

Torture: 0 out of 0.

Overall Movie: 4 out of 5, great documentary that will surely bum you out!

ReGOREgitated Sacrifice

ReGOREgitated SACRIFICE
By Jimmy Squarejaw

*WARNING*

All movies reviewed for SUNDAY SNUFF contain graphic depictions that may include rape, live animals being murdered, and extreme gore.  None of the writers condone such acts we just watch this shit. 

Well kids we’re back again with another thrilling chapter for Sunday Snuff, the weekly post by yours truly and my cohort Blake Redding about extreme cinema.  A little while ago I watched the first entry in the VOMIT GORE TRILOGY titled SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS and I wasn’t too thrilled.  This week I subjected myself to the second installment titled REgoreGITATED SACRIFICE with little expectations but high hopes that something good might come out of it.  Well to say the least I was floored by this movie and feel completely vindicated from the previous entry in the VOMIT GORE TRILOGY!

For the second flick director Lucifer Valentine put everyone’s favorite burnout, Ameara LaVey, back in action reprising her role as “the chick you feel bad for and would let sleep on your couch until she annoyed the fuck out of you with incoherent ramblings about her shitty life.”  In REgoreGITATED SACRIFICE however she decides to kill herself and the rest of the movie is a hallucinatory amalgam of nightmare images of her own psyche dying off.  This is when we meet the Black Angels of Death who are the protectors of Ameara as she dies.  These lovely twin harbingers of death are none other than The Soska Sisters who directed of one of the worst movies ever made entitled DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK.  Topically the rest of the movie consists of an assortment of women who range from slightly attractive down to female versions of LeBron James being tortured by the twins.

Now the goodies!  The movie is rife with nudity, torture, gore, and extreme violence that feels about as close to being real as possible.  The Soska Sisters are insanely attractive (hence being successful movie directors and having no talent……right?!?) and they do a great job beating the shit out of various women throughout the movie as well as doing a great job sucking on tits, making out, and one of them goes down on a pregnant Ameara. (I’ll definitely watch their second movie!) The special effects are also phenomenal!  A few highlights are a disembowelment of “The Former Miss Lake Washington” by the Soska Sisters, a prosthetic vagina that a tarantula crawls into before it gets stitched up, and the twins having their heads sawed apart from being conjoined at the start of the movie.  Aside from lesbian twin sister scenes and tons of gore, REgoreGITATED SACRIFICE has an excessive amount of vomiting, ladies pissing, piss drinking, vomit drinking, a fat guy who wears a dead octopus crown and one hell of a spooky soundtrack.  Fuck, put some Greek letters on cover of the movie and you have the best sorority hazing video ever made.  This movie is intense and to say the least totally over the top.  It will not be for a lot of people, but for those who enjoy insanity REgoreGITATED SACRIFICE is worth a watch and without spoiling the best ending ever I’ll clue you in on a hint…….a happy ending with streams of blood instead of semen.  Well that kinda spoiled it but whatever you STILL MUST WATCH THIS.

-Enjoy!!!!!   

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore: 5 out of 5, the special effects were fucking great!

Rape: 0 out of 0, I think.  Even though everyone is crying I think it’s all consentual!

Animal Death: 0 out of 0, the octopus crown is made from a dead octopus.

Necrophilia: 0 out of 0.  All of the lesbianism is from the living.

Torture: 4 out of 5, puking on people and beating the shit out of people gets a high mark in my book!
Overall Movie: 3 out of 5, it IS a lot better than the first installment, and twin lesbianism makes for a decent watch!

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

VOMIT SLAUGHTER DOLLS

Review by Jimmy Squarejaw

*WARNING*

All movies reviewed for SUNDAY SNUFF contain graphic depictions that may include rape, live animals being murdered, and extreme gore.  None of the writers condone such acts we just watch this shit. 

Oh my….my my my.  This week I checked out a flick titled SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS written and directed by Lucifer Valentine.  If the movie's title wasn’t captivating enough, SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS it’s the first movie in the VOMIT GORE TRILOGY, which sounds yummy.  So where do I begin? I’ll start with the plot.  SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS is a hallucinatory smorgasbord of images that tells a story about a stripper turned hooker who has one hell of an acne problem.  Interweaved in the slew of handheld video clips of the hooker are other video blips of women being tortured and killed presumably by the cameraman but that is assumed on my part.  Oh, and there is also video clips of people throwing up…….a lot.  You could say there is a little more substance to this movie but my thoughts are this movie is trying to be some incredible piece of allegorical filmmaking, and to me it is not.  SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS reminded me of the AUGUST UNDERGROUND movies but mixed with LSD and an eager video editor trying to create a really freaky atmosphere. 

The gore is minimal but well done.  One of the better scenes that appealed to this lil' guy is an extended scene of someone getting their eyes plucked out then nails jammed into the sockets.  The vomit scenes are all pretty gory too but to be honest vomit doesn’t necessarily shock me.  I guess the JACKASS movies and years of drinking hard liquor took the shock out of it.  Ameara LaVey is probably the most disturbing part of this movie.  She reminds me of the chick you bang when your drunk but then realize, yes she is homeless and needs to crash on your couch and eat your mac and cheese for a month.  She looks dirty, pock marked, disease ridden, and on drugs the whole time.  

SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS does have its place amongst extreme movies even though it doesn’t really have a lot of the qualifying characteristics.  It did intrigue me enough to get the next two movies on deck for later Sunday Snuff entries.  SLAUGHTERED VOMIT DOLLS has a very real feeling to it even with the tripped out editing job and I’d recommend picking it up if you liked the AUGUST UNDERGROUND movies.

Blake and Jimmy's Extreme-O-Gauge!

Rape: 0 out of 5, Can’t rape the willing I guess.

Realistic Gore:  2 out of 5, Not a lot of gore scenes, but what there is is very well done!

Animal Death:  0 out of 5, Nothing here folks.

Necrophilia:  0 out of 5, although this chicks soul is dead, she is not.

Torture:  2 out of 5, Again, not a lot of people tortured but the few who are are frowning a lot!

Overall Movie:  2 out of 5, I don't see myself watching this again but intrigued enough to watch the rest of them.