THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (2009)

By: Senor Woo

Last week my cohort and partner in crime, Jimmy Squarejaw, re visited the 1972 horror cult-classic THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT.  I have much respect for what Wes Craven did in regards to making a no holds bar rape and revenge flick that shocked the hell out movie goers in the early 1970’s. It took some big ol’ balls and seemingly paid off for the director in terms of making a name for himself in the horror community. When the 2009 remake was announced, you could hear horror movie fans across the country scream ‘foul’ in unison. I waited for it to come out on DVD before giving it a watch and HOLY SHIT, it was pretty damn good!

The story is pretty much the same with a few differences here and there (thank God they didn’t include the two idiot cops from the original, they were always my biggest pet peeve with that flick!) Little sweet booty Mari and her hot to trot friend meet up with a guy there age and end up smoking some weed in his hotel room. Unfortunately for the girls, the kid isn’t traveling alone. That’s when we get introduced to Krug and his marry band of violent, rapey friends. The girls are taken into the woods to be humiliated, tortured, raped, and killed. While the rape scene isn’t quite as intense as the original, it still makes you squirm and you probably wouldn’t want to watch it with your girlfriend or mother. Mari’s friend gets a knife to the stomach while Mari attempts to swim to safety, but ends up taking a bullet for her troubles and is left for dead. Krug and the crew get caught up in a storm and are taken in by a way too trusting couple…who also just so happen to be Mari’s parents. Let the revenge fly!

The intensity and gore is kicked up in the remake. Lots of stabbings, gunshot wounds, hammer to the head, and even a head that gets blown up in a microwave ( completely random scene.) My favorite scene is where Mari’s parents attempt to drown one of the guys in the sink while simultaneously turning his arm into ground beef in the garbage disposal. The great thing about this movie was the abundant amount of realistic violence. Lot's of nasty shit goes down for our sick viewing pleasure.  Unfortunately, the T&A was toned down, with only Krug’s flat chested girlfriend showing off the goods. Meh, better than nothing I guess.

It’s pretty hard to shock audiences these days, but THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT REMAKE did an excellent job at trying. I think fans of the original should give this one a shot, but view it as its own film and try not to do too much comparing to the original.  It’s a great revenge movie with lots of blood and violence. I dig it.

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore:  5 out of 5, lots of good stuff here, lots more than the original.

Rape:  4 out of the 5, not an easy watch, but less brutal than the original. 

Animal Death: 0 out of 0

Necrophilia: 0 out of 0

Torture: 4 out of 5, physical, sexual, and mental torture. The sequel is going to be about Mari’s psychologist bill.

Overall Movie:  4 out of 5.  Great revenge movie