Sunday, April 14, 2013

Tumbling Doll of Flesh


By Jimmy Squarejaw

Now let us take you on an incredible journey, across the Pacific Ocean to Japan, the land of the rising sun.  After watching this movie I think I’ll be calling it the land of the rising FUN because TUMBLING DOLL OF FLESH was just a fun lil’ flick written and directed by kookster Tamakichi Anaru.  So pop open a bag of Cheetos, crack a 2-liter of Mountain Dew, and take this one in.

TUMBLING DOLL OF FLESH, or Niku Daruma in Kanji, is about a couple young ambitious filmmakers wanting to make a new porno.  They find their stars in the likes of a dog faced lady named Kana and a man named Kiku who wears really big white underwear.  They both get interviewed on camera in a "get to know you" fun little session before they’re whisked away to a porn set that looks like an attic apartment I used to live in, minus the Taco Bell and Chewy Chips-A-Hoy wrappers. 

The sexin’ for the time being is standard sexin’ with all of the groin areas pixilated because that’s what they do in Japan. So after staring at pixilated penetration and blowjobs for ten minutes Kiki pulls out and leaves an non-pixilated load on Kana’s stomach.  Everyone regroups and gets ready for the next scene where things start going south for poor ol’ Kana.  The filmmakers start in with the dildos and the lubed up buttholes then the hot wax, boob bondage, and enemas.  Kana doesn’t seem like she is a big fan of any of this (unless she’s like every other woman in my life and is faking her fear and pain) so she tries to make an escape during a break between scenes.  The cameraman, or woman with a mustache, followers Kana and gives her a whack on the head and drags her back to the bed.

For the rest of the movie everyone has a lot of fun torturing the hell out of Kana in the form of chopping off limbs, while Kiku is humping away at her, and cutting apart her tongue.  During these scenes I wish I had some subtitles because I can’t tell if Kiku is in on the whole thing or if he’s just wigged out and going along with the insane torture to save his own ass.  Oh wait, he does help cut off one of her legs and when the filmmakers cut open Kana’s chest Kiku starts inserting his pixilated wiener into her thoracic cavity. That answers that.  But unbeknownst to Kiku, his diligence is not rewarded because the filmmakers kill him too, then bury a giant blade into Kana’s face ending the movie.

TUMBLING DOLL OF FLESH was an entertaining watch.  It’s a slow build with a lot of pixilated sex scenes but the payoff is worth it when the madness starts.  I would like to see the movie with subtitles so I can get a better feel for the characters to make me care for them less while they’re being brutally murdered.  Now I’m going to go draw a warm bath and listen to Landslide by Fleetwood Mac on repeat to cleanse myself of that somewhat disturbing movie.

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Realistic Gore:  3 out of 5, disturbing but a little too fake.
Rape:  2 out of 5, they are in a porn, but Kana being drugged up and having her limbs cut off during some sex scenes can’t be consensual. 
Animal Death: 0 out of 0.
Necrophilia:  0 out of 0, I don’t think Kana was dead for any penetration.
Torture:  4 out of 5, I consider what Kana went through torture.  Especially the hot wax on her bottom!
Overall Movie:  3 out of 5, It was good but I'm not doing back flips over it.





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