Faces of Death 2

By Jimmy Squarejaw
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It’s 1981 and our favorite fake Doctor, Dr. Gross, is back in the habit in the wonderful and criminally overlooked sequel to FACES OF DEATH, the sagaciously titled FACES OF DEATH 2.  Dr. Gross looks ever more afflicted with gigantism, or a hyperthyroid disorder, in this sequel and catches a little more face time than the original and that’s a real treat.  FACES OF DEATH 2 has a little more actual footage then it’s predecessor and overall I feel it’s a step forward for the filmmakers.

The opening narration this time around begins with Dr. Gross stating many of his previous theories from FACES OF DEATH 1 about life after death are probably wrong and in fact there is probably no life after death; but he does feel confident that we probably don’t feel too much pain when we die so there’s that at least.   The film goes through a brief history of how people in the 14th century were hired to rouse the dead from their slumber with various methods of accosting that also included necrophilia-I wonder if that was considered a state job with a pension and benefits?!?!  Once people figured out that no matter how many times you stuck it in Aunt Darlene, she aint’ waking up and people do actually die for reals the need for cemeteries arose.  On the heels of large scale cemeteries being built the need for morticians began and that is why we now have something called the funeral industry.  Evidently in 1981 the cost of a full funeral was around $3,500.00 plus embalming and cosmetics fees.  What a bunch of idiots, you can gouge the grieving for a FUCK TON more, you just have to push them a little!  So after going over some of the finer points of the funeral industry like burial outfits, cosmetics, and bronze caskets we move into the first video segment.  See kids, the FACES OF DEATH can be educational and should be introduced into the public school system.  Moving on. 

Sure cremation is cheaper, and in some countries-godless heathen countries that is-public cremations take place on pyres along the banks of rivers.  For hindus this is to liberate the soul instead of liberating their bank accounts to the deep pockets of a mortician.  Now cremation might be all fine and dandy, but FACES OF DEATH 2 is sure to point out burning alive is NOT all fine and dandy and footage of a german apartment building being consumed by flames is shown.  18 of the 20 people living on the apartment complex die and we get the horrible opportunity watching one of those people who is completely covered in 3rd degree burns try to cling to life in a hospital bed while the doctors have to perform a tracheotomy to open their charred airways so they can breath.  Kill me now is what I would say, if my fucking face muscles weren’t burned off or I could move my charred hotdog arms to write that out on a piece of paper, but this poor bastard died a slow and agonizing death.  

After witnessing the devastating effects of heat we get to watch aftermath footage of people being dug out of a gigantic avalanche set to the tone of rambunctious yodeling music.  For as much as I hate the enchanting and mystical qualities of snow, I sure as hell would hate it more if it covered my car in an avalanche and I froze to death and I knew the footage of my frozen body being pulled from the snow was going to be set to GODDAMN YODELING.  Who says documentary filmmakers don’t have tact?

Next we’re treated to a nice collection of footage about stunts gone wrong.  I love this stuff and this kind of crap just reenforces why I love this country so much.  A person can get financial backers to not only support them, but pay for a crew of people to work out the logistics of jumping a goddamn pickup truck over 16 cars.  And then said people can fill a stadium of people who are secretly hoping they see a crash and horrible dismemberment.  One of the clips they show is a stuntman named Kenny Powers, I thought that name was original too, who thinks he can jet propel some fucking jalopy car across a river that is a mile wide.  Evidently it took 4 years to plan and over a million dollars.  Holy shit what am I doing with my life?!?!      

Being that FACES OF DEATH 2 was made post-Vietnam, there is a segment on the horrors of war.  No sorry kids it isn’t Nixon trying to fellate himself ready to mop up his coagulated semen with the war’s casualty reports, it’s footage of a village that gets napalmed. The cameras roll as kids with dangling capes of burnt skin come running down the road screaming.  One little kid gets picked up and comforted by a soldier, but it looks like she is going to loose a sock-oooh no its all of the skin on her foot dangling off her still connected to her ankle.  Thanks Uncle Sam!

And what is a FACES OF DEATH movie without a horrible cavalcade of animal abuse and death?!?  The fur industry is put on a pedestal as the film describes, and shows, the origins of Persian Lamb fur.  See, you take a cute lil’ bulb-eyed lamb that is three days old and kill it then rip it’s skin off.  There is also footage of mink fur procurement that is just as unpleasant, baby seals being murdered for their hides, a dolphin slaughter in Japan, and a brutal whale hunt with the disembowelment following.  Ahhhh, time to go to my back porch and smoke a cigarette and weep for a bit.  Afterwards I’m going to check my makeup cabinet and make sure when I go out for drag night I’m wearing non-whale liquid cosmetics.   

There is all sorts of other goofball shit littered from the start to finish of FACES OF DEATH  2 and it definitely is a step above the original.  The entire film’s tone is grim, which begins with the opening monologue by Dr. Gross and there isn’t a sense of resolve or hope at the end of FACES OF DEATH 2 like in the original.  So crack that scotch open, settle into that thrift store couch pock marked with cigarette burns sitting in your otherwise furniture-less hellhole apartment, and ease into the misery.    

Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!

Violence/Gore: 5 out of 5, like so many others-it’s a death film kids.
Rape: 1 out of 5, not in this one.  But there is talk of spousal abuse and rape from villagers who are missing body part.
Animal Death: 5 out of 5, it’s not a Pixar movie-but that’d be kinda neat wouldn’t it?
Necrophilia: 0 out of 0, historically discussed but nothing cool is shown.
Torture: 2 out of 5, there is a nice firing squad scene with a little torture and the squad are not crack shots if you know what I mean.
Overall Movie: 5 out of 5, I love this movie.  Stands up to the original and raises the bar for number 3!