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Remakes are always a debatable topic amongst movie fans and it gives people something to bitch about, debate, and pretend like they have been fans of the original because it’s “so like my favorite movie.” Further more American remakes of psychotic foreign movies really stirs up all sorts of stupid ramblings. Sales of the original movie skyrocket, hits on websites like wikipedia and IMDB go through the roof, and everyone all of the sudden finds out the original has been on Netflix for years. That being said, the remake of OLDBOY directed by Spike Lee has been on my “oh my god”? radar for a little bit and I must admit a huge saving grace for keeping my interest was Josh Brolin playing the lead previously played by Korean nutbar Min-sik Choi.
OLDBOY 2013 begins with a nice glimpse into the drunken reality of lead character Josh Doucett: He’s a complete dirtbag, fall down drunk who hates his ex-wife, bails on his daughter’s 3rd birthday, and initiates his libido onto the wrong woman and looses a big account. So far so good. After loosing the account Doucett goes on an award winning bender that I swear to god was taken from my average weeknight. I’ll be taking up receiving my own 40 acres and a mule from Spike for stealing my life details but that’s another story. After waking up the next day from his drunken fiesta Doucett realizes he is imprisoned in a fake hotel room with no details to why.
It takes a little bit of time for him to really loose his mind and hit rock bottom but eventually over the next twenty years Doucett kicks the booze habit, dials in those abs and pecs, learns martial arts from movies shown on his T.V., stays up to date with all of the details in the murder of his ex-wife he was framed for, and keeps tabs on how his orphaned daughter was raised-pretty informative news shows shown in the hotel jail room. Just as he figures out how to break free Josh Doucett is suddenly and inexplicably released with a wad of cash, a nice pair of shades, an iPhone, and a new suit. With the help of a doe eyed, ex-junky nurse he befriends, Doucett uncovers the facts about his imprisonment and beats the hell out of a few people along the way.
Josh Brolin makes OLDBOY 2013. His portrayal of a drunk is amazing and should be looked up to by the youths of America. And his portrayal of a really pissed off guy looking to figure out what the hell happened to him is also admirable I guess, but I prefer the drunk. Elizabeth Olsen and Samuel Jackson are also great, which is no surprise. But now for the bad news, Sharlto Copley’s character was nauseating and really detracted from the movie. Think Dr. Evil mixed with McLovin and it’s really hard to take him seriously in any part of the movie.
Now the big question, did it live up to the original? Like all remakes for me, there are some pros and cons. Pros being Brolin for sure and a few of the introduced Americanisms that of course had to be written to counter Koreanisms worked in the story. And the story stuck to the.....how should I say.......naughty little plot twists that I really assumed the American version would alter or water down. Another plus, Elizabeth Olsen’s rack but......y’know the plot kinda makes it a love/hate aspect and makes you question your morals. Olsen's rack is coupled with numerous shots of white man ass, so don't worry fellas there's something for the ladies! The violence however lacked quite a bit, and the epic hammer battle in the original wasn’t even close to being as captivating. But I will admit I was thankful an octopus’ life was spared in the remake.
OLDBOY 2013 was worth a watch for sure but no matter who directed and starred in it, it couldn’t deliver the impact of the original-DUH! The ending was pretty epic and gross and for the average American moviegoer who has no idea what OLDBOY is will probably get their brains fucked inside out with the big twist ending.
Blake and Jimmy’s Extreme-O-Gauge!
Violence/Gore: 2 out of 5, a few whacks and breaks but meh.
Rape: 1 out of 5, nothing really inserted but a couple aggressive moments.
Animal Death: 1 out of 5, a shoebox full of lil' buddies meets an untimely demise.
Necrophilia: 0 out of 0
Torture: 2 out of 5, Sam Jackson has an unpleasant run in with Josh Brolin and an exacto knife.
Overall Movie: 3 out of 5, it was a good watch and I’d be interested to see what people who have never seen the original would think.
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